We had an interesting issue arise in our SWG guild recently. Not interesting to me, of course — as a seasoned gaming hag, I’m all over this shit early. But, it was fascinating for our guild noobs to witness. Fascinating like a freak show is fascinating.

One of our members was pulling a psycho, bipolar, disassociative personality routine on us. One night, he/she/it was cooperative, rah rah for our side and all that. Next night, moody, sullen, wondering when the hell we’d get off our asses and fetch him/her/it some uberness.

Needs to up the thorazine dosage?

Wrong. (You ARE new around here, aren’t you?)

It’s obviously the Dual-Driver Syndrome. (I should also mention the rare, but not unheard of Multiple-Driver Syndrome — three or more drivers for one toon. There’s more drama with one of these hoes than a trailer park with hourly rentals.)

Whenever I run across DDS toons, I like to have a little fun with them at their expense. Once I’m sure I have Driver2 on the hook, I “remind” it that it owes me virtual money, or promised to help complete an annoying quest, maybe even a powerlevel for my alts … all courtesy of it.

It’s the perfect crime because, unless Driver2 wants to confess and claim no knowledge of such an agreement between the toon and me, it is trapped into doing my bidding. All night, every night. Until Driver1 gets back and asks me wtf kind of crack I’m smoking.

This latest DDS toon was being driven by this woman and her RL boyfriend. The woman was roleplay married to this other toon which irritated the hell out of Driver2, the boyfriend. Naturally, each time I knew it was Driver2, I made sure to chat, in a very conspiratorial manner, about the intimate exploits (all made up, of course) between the toon and the fake husband.

Driver2 held out for quite a while, refusing to confess, until I finally tired of my prank and asked the toon, “When was it that you and (fake husband) were going to meet irl again? It was soon, right?” (ffs, just confess, mf’er.) Driver2 logged soon thereafter.

In yet another one of those instances where I am so right I frighten even myself, turns out it was true … Driver1 and fake husband did have a RL hookup planned. She admitted as much to her RL boyfriend and he dropped her like a disease-ridden whore.

I would feel guilty about my small part in this drama … if I had a soul left.

I think it got nerfed a few years back.