One of my gaming buds reminded me that I don’t have a disclaimer section. I don’t have a winky-dinky colophon either, but that’s because I’m not a winky dink.

Apparently, according to my bud who has had internet available in his area for OVER TEN YEARS!, a disclaimer is needed so that 6-year-olds don’t access my material, become corrupted by the flying f-bombs, and then go to kindergarten and tell their teacher, “stfu, like hell I’m putting blocks away, hosebag.”

Or something.

Since this disclaimer will be buried in about a week’s time, it’s the best of both worlds … I can’t be sued by kindergartners and I have complete freedom of speech.

1. I frequently post while liquored up. It’s better that the drunk posting take place here, instead of on message boards (as I’ve been known to do) for obvious reasons.

2. You will encounter foul language here. (see #1)

3. If you’re a sensitive type and you are connected, professionally, with online gaming in any way, you really shouldn’t visit here. I pull no punches. (see #1)

4. If you’re a gamer, you may actually end up grouping, raiding, guilding, and/or cursing at me in some virtual world. I may write about what an assbag you are. Even Foton has a heart: I won’t use your real/fake game name. (by the way, the similarities in your gaming session and any future/past post is coincidence. Honest.)

5. I already know I’m an assbag, just in case you thought telling me the same in game or here was going to be a revelation. For the record, I’ve already heard that my girlfriend is a whore and my mother is a fat crack smoker.

6. I give credit where credit’s due. If I haven’t credited you properly for written material or your site, use comments or email and I’ll make the appropriate corrections. (as soon as I’ve sobered up.) (see #1)

And finally, if you think you know me, you don’t. I’m nobody and I’m everyone. I’ve been in The Uberguild and I’ve been in the PleaseLetUsGetPoPFlags guild. I was the asshole you knew in DAoC, I was the helpful MasterEverything in SWG that gave you 2 million credits.

I’ve griefed you, I helped you get your epic, and I’ve been in game ever since the virtual world began. I mourned you the first time you faked your death on a messageboard and I’m the guy that called you out when you needed to sell game items to finance a cancer operation.

I both hate and love the medium. And I’m usually AFK.

At least I was during that first Emperor raid a few years back. Sorry ’bout that.