Inevitably, every MMOG reaches a sufficient maturity when the battlelines are drawn between the “hardcore” gamers and the … not-hardcore gamers. (softcore gamers? sounds cooler.) The powergamers and the casual gamers. Fraggers and the fragged.

From my observations, usually this begins around the time when the first max levels pop out of the woodwork (or the first few Jedi unlocks, for you Star Wars hags) and is accompanied by much namecalling from both sides, and various accusations about lifestyles, or lack thereof.

Probably the truth lies somewhere in between for most people: at times, we powergame, other times, we don’t. And truly, nothing is accomplished by labeling people based on their levels (or lack thereof) or based on their time spent in game (or out).

Still, I get a great deal of enjoyment when the hardcores rationalize their game time by describing how rich and full their real lives are.

People are allowed to make their own choices on how to spend their time and that’s cool. But, let’s cut the shit. The math is just not working out here on the “rich and full real lives.”

Let’s use as an example those hardcores that cite jobs (extremely well-paying jobs at that!) and children as their rich and full real lives. Here’s the math: Let’s assume a minimum of four hours sleep each night, leaving twenty hours of waking time.

A job takes eight hours a day, typically (more hours with commuting and The Man demanding overtime and such) … that leaves twelve hours for the family, household chores (like EATING … grocery shopping … CLEANING the litterbox), and/or the mythical girlfriends that all powergamers invent have.

What’s the minimum time that people spend with their kids at night? I hear they’re quite time consuming. At the bare minimum, they’ll greet the kids, maybe listen to the blather about the school day. Plus, kids need to be fed. Every day, even.

I suppose they could squeak by with just saying “hey” to the kids and throwing a Happy Meal at them. That would only take an hour, tops. But that’s doesn’t sound like a rich or full life, for the kids anyways.

Don’t spouses require some maintenance time? I think the imagined spouses and girlfriends wouldn’t require any maintenance, but the real ones definitely do. Half an hour at least? Maybe some days more time than others, but a minimal average of thirty minutes. Considering that spouses are sleeping with the powergamers AND covering their asses on the family time, I would think thirty minutes each day isn’t too much to ask.

Then there’s bio time. This is time that absolutely must be spent out of game: bathroom breaks, hygienic needs, getting food from the kitchen, etc. If they’re really efficient, I could believe thirty minutes minimum for that, also.

All told, that leaves ten hours for gaming every night AND time for a “real” life … as it were.

Perhaps I stand corrected! The rest of us, we’re just horribly inefficient with our time. Or are we?

That extremely well-paying job? That’s really going to be at least 10 to 12 hours a day. (Sometimes 16 if your boss is a slave-driving asshole like mine.) Those kids that some people hide behind as evidence of a real life? FOUR HOURS, not a single hour, FOUR or more. If someone claims less, they are either lying or treating their offspring like accessories.

Spouses, girlfriends and/or boyfriends, in general, don’t give a shit about level 60, rare loot or checking the bazaar or auction house. They need at least an hour or two of “I’m pretending to be interested in your day” time. Bio needs. For crissakes, a daily shower and shave is necessary and I don’t care how hairless and stinkfree someone claims to be, it’s got to be done. Make bio time two hours: one hour to wash off filth, another hour to wolf down food a few times.

Three hours for games. The rich and full life leaves three hours to game … maybe.

Hey, it’s cool that people like to powergame. Their choice, really, and certainly none of my business.

But that shit they’re trying to sell me? I ain’t buying.