The Endgame is a Goldmine

Here’s some good news. I’m working on getting assigned to the (dreaded) groups 7 or 8 for our guild raids and I’ll tell you why: I want to live blog endgame Warcraft raids.

(Stop that! This can work.)

I’ve always known this could be a comedy goldmine, but sadly, I’m usually in groups 1 or 2 (out of the possible eight). Pressure. The weight of the world on us. All that. So I’m pushing to get into the (dreaded) groups 7 or 8.

As far as I’ve seen, groups 7 and/or 8 have pretty much NOTHING to do in the entire Warcraft endgame except throw their arms in the air, wail, gnash teeth, and blame groups 1 and 2 for not carrying the weight of the world. You can see the beauty here — I’m IDEAL for that role.

I expect it will go like this:

Raid: Ok, on time attendance log now.

Warlocks: WHAT THE???? Wait!!!!!!!!!! Leaving Ironforge now, hold attendance!!!

Raid: Get ready for buffs, gather.

Warlocks 1 and 2: Put me on log, have to get a few shards.

(Ya, none of us understands the whole warlock thing either. Why aren’t they the first to arrive? Why don’t they ever have shards, an essential component for their class-exclusive abilities??? We don’t know. They just don’t.)

The Whispercast Users: Whispercast — bla bla bla me bla bla bla buff bla bla tell bla bla maybe bla bla whatever. kthx.

(Whispercast is this buff mod whereby you send a tell to the buffer with the name — AND I MEAN THE EXACT NAME — of the desired buff, which he/she queues and fires at will. Because buffing is terribly complicated for these people. Ya, I don’t get that either.)

Priests: I’ll buff group X (until I lose track of which group I’m in. ETA until I have no attention span: 2 minutes.)

Rogues, Warriors, Hunters, Paladins: I want to die. IRL.

Hunter Puller: Incoming.

Casters/Healers: wtf!

Warriors: BFT.

Hellfiring/cursing Warlocks die. Rogues that can’t control themselves die. Maybe Main Tank dies too.

Full-mana Priests: What’s the url for the dkp site again?

Hunter Puller: we ready?

Raid: ffs.

Rezzes ensue, rebuffs MAYBE happen, five minutes later …

Hunter Puller: ok, incoming now! remember to banish if adds.

Elemental runs amok.

Paladin: ZOMG, in lava!

Priest dies. Paladin in lava dies. Rogues that can’t wait for attack call die. (yes, that’s plural.) Druid dies.

Warrior: omg, I want to die.

Next priest in line: Wish granted.

Warrior dies. Next priest in line dies.

Hunter Puller: wtf, warlocks?

Warlock: Banished!

Same warlock: ok, banished now!

Same warlock: banished?

Same warlock: ya, banished.

Hunter Puller: kthx, 2 minutes too late. Wait out the banish warriors.

*Raid stands around admiring the scenery waiting for the banish to drop*

Banished mob dies … somehow.

Rezzes ensue, rebuffs MAYBE happen, five minutes later …

Rogues: fort please.

Lava Paladin: fort please.

Rezzed Druid: fort please.

Hunter Puller: Giants incoming.

Priest at half health from recent rezz: Int please, wild and pally buffs please.

The Whispercast Users: Whispercast — bla bla bla me bla bla bla buff bla bla tell bla bla maybe bla bla whatever. kthx.

Hunter Puller dies.

Warlock: Anyone have shards?

NewGuy Hunter: what’s the DKP url again?

Main Warrior drops dangerously close to death.

Main Warrior: wtf healers?

NewGuy Hunter’s macro: Heal LameAssPet, health 120/1305.

Priest: Int please, wild and pally buffs please.

The Whispercast Users: wtf priest. Whispercast — bla bla bla me bla bla bla buff bla bla tell bla bla maybe bla bla whatever. kthx.

Rogues: fort please.

Lava Paladin: fort please.

Rezzed Druid: fort please.

Giants die … somehow. Possibly the mages are responsible because they sure as HELL aren’t buffing the healers.

Rezzes ensue, rebuffs MAYBE happen, five minutes later …

Priest: Int please, wild and pally buffs please.

The Whispercast Users: wtf priest. Whispercast — bla bla bla me bla bla bla buff bla bla tell bla bla maybe bla bla whatever. kthx.

Rogues: fort please.

Lava Paladin: fort please.

Rezzed Druid: fort please.

Hunter Puller: (having long ago given up on being rebuffed) Careful of the right side, we don’t want hound add.

Hound adds.

Hunter Puller: Every damn week, same hound adds on the same *dies*

Main Warrior: wtf rogues?

Rogues: fort please.

NewGuy Hunter: what was that url again for the DKP site?

The Whispercast Users: Whispercast — bla bla bla me bla bla bla buff bla bla tell bla bla maybe bla bla whatever. kthx.

Mage: open trade for water.

Main Warrior: wtf healers?

Warlock: HELLFIRE!!!!!!!!

Priest: umm.

Warlock dies. Rogues die. Hunter Puller dies. Paladin falls in lava, dies. Hound and INTENDED pull dies … somehow.

NewGuy Hunter: water pls.

The Whispercast Users: Whispercast — bla bla bla me bla bla bla buff bla bla tell bla bla maybe bla bla whatever. kthx.

The Whispercast Users: Whispercast — bla bla bla me bla bla bla buff bla bla tell bla bla maybe bla bla whatever. kthx.

Priest: If I wasn’t already dead, I’d want to die.

The Whispercast Users: Whispercast — bla bla bla me bla bla bla buff bla bla tell bla bla maybe bla bla whatever. kthx.

Rezzes ensue, rebuffs MAYBE happen, five minutes later …

NewGuy Hunter: water pls.

Warlock: will I need shards for this?

Rogues: fort please.

The Whispercast Users: Whispercast — bla bla bla me bla bla bla buff bla bla tell bla bla maybe bla bla whatever. kthx.

Mage: open trade for water.

Hunters and Paladins: water please.

Rogues: omg, can we pull this year?!?!??!!

Rogues: fort please.

Paladin: ZOMG, I hope lawbringers drops!

Raid: Rogue spams Damage Report Stats.
Raid: Rogue spams Damage Report Stats.
Raid: Rogue spams Damage Report Stats.
Raid: Rogue spams Damage Report Stats.
Raid: Rogue spams Damage Report Stats.
Raid: Rogue spams Damage Report Stats.
Raid: Rogue spams Damage Report Stats.
Raid: Rogue spams Damage Report Stats.
Raid: Rogue spams Damage Report Stats.
Raid: Rogue spams Damage Report Stats.
Raid: Rogue spams Damage Report Stats.
Raid: Rogue spams Damage Report Stats.
Raid: Rogue spams Damage Report Stats.
Raid: Rogue spams Damage Report Stats.
Raid: Rogue spams Damage Report Stats.

Priest: omg Rogue. no DM spam.

Paladin: fort please.

Priest: you have fort.

The Whispercast Users: Whispercast — bla bla bla me bla bla bla buff bla bla tell bla bla maybe bla bla whatever. kthx.

Hunter Puller: stay tight, we don’t want … ok, now we have adds. Nice.

Main Warrior: wtf healers?

Rogue dies, rogue dies, rogue dies, warlock dies, mage dies, Hunter Puller dies, druid dies, priest dies, paladin divine interventions a priest mid-heal …

Priest: wtf

Main Warrior dies, lava paladin dies in lava yet again.

New Arrival Hunter: ready for summons.

Surviving Warrior: umm, we’re just across the bridge, almost next to you. (wtf?)

Warlock: I didn’t bring shards.

Rogue: fort please.

The Whispercast Users: Whispercast — bla bla bla me bla bla bla buff bla bla tell bla bla maybe bla bla whatever. kthx.

Rezzes ensue, rebuffs MAYBE happen, five minutes later …

Druid returning from 20 minute AFK: I think we’re making great time.

Yes. If defeating the first bridge was our goal, we are making good time.

12 thoughts on “The Endgame is a Goldmine

  1. Foton, you just screwed yourself since you blogged every raid. So much for getting to be in groups 7 and 8!

    (Un)Seriously, that’s exactly what I go through every time, we’re pwning that first bridge hardcare though.

  2. lol

    that sounds like the report our guildie was giving in the guild channel as he went into MC with a raid. Warriors were getting no heals, no heals, no heals, …. nuke heal! … no heals, no heals, no heals … dies Priest: OoM, sry ….

    lolmao…

  3. dude Foton you’ve really reached some noterity, this popped up in my guild’s disscussion forum. It briefly caused some drama from the whispercast users which was soon diffused.^^

  4. I will say this much for Whispercast … it is a great tool for griefing fellow guildmates during a long-ass raid.

    /tell paladin salvation is the way to god!
    Paladin tells you: Salvation has been queued for you!
    /tell paladin salvation for me? Aww, you shouldn’t have!
    Paladin tells you: Salvation has been queued for you!
    Paladin tells you: dude, stop that.
    /tell druid wild and crazy is how I like my druids!
    Druid tells you: Mark of the Wild has been queued for you!
    Druid tells you: huh?
    /tell mage Intel is the primary stat for casters, right?
    Mage tells you: Arcane Intellect has been queued for you!
    Mage tells you: umm, why am I casting intel on a rogue?
    /tell mage no idea.

  5. hehe man i never thought of harrassing my wc users like that…. finally something to do while all the mages pad their dmg on the ae’s…. damn ae’s

  6. You can’t forget about the lava pally asking for a rez and summons 2 secs after he dies while everyone is fighting.

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