Things I Hate

Things I Hate — March 2006 edition:

1. Podcasts. What the fuck. I can’t think of anything less desirable to have on my iPod than a podcast, no matter the subject. I’d rather listen to Hall & Oates Greatest Hits than some guy talking about how he killed a raptor last night in MMOG_08, plus he really likes Pulp Fiction.

2. My guild’s rogues. DKP-hoarding bastards, spend some of that DKP on the rotting rogue endgame armor instead of saving up for some Weapon of the Gods that drops .0001 percent of the time, according to Thottbot, which means it NEVER DROPS.

3. Any of my guildmates’ main characters that random on Ahn’Qiraj 20 or Zul Gurub equipment, icing out somebody else’s alt that isn’t allowed into Blackwing Lair. Jeezus, check the stats. It’s CRAP.

4. World of Warcraft name changes. Unless it’s some moronic name, knock off the name changes. Players are asking for name changes to ESCAPE their poor reputations and history (duh?) and Blizzard is HELPING THEM. Gold farmers, douchebags, ninjas, the cancer operation fakers are all getting name changes which makes it difficult to vote “HELL NO” when they re-app to our guild for the 6th time.

5. Voicechat Censors. Ya, I get that you don’t want your schoolage children hearing “F this”, “F that” and “F those c’suckers” blasting from your computer’s surround sound speakers. I don’t want them to hear that either. Headphones? Ever hear of those? Extra bonus points for everyone: no more annoying-ass echo on your end of the voicechat. It’s an adult guild in an adult game using adult exclamations; I can’t play Ventrilo policeman because you’re too damn cheap to buy headphones.

6. That bitchass Warcraft priest we finally forced out of the guild. She (and it was a she, hi Ventrilo) was only in the guild two weeks, but in that short period of time, she managed to stir up no less than 20 arguments OVER NOTHING, at least one per day. Example: on about her third day in the guild, she was upset that someone had jokingly asked for a recount on her husband’s guild app. Yawn? Example 2: she was upset that another guildmate had offered to buy the AQ20 spell upgrade she had won. “Is this how the guild operates?? Trying to buy spells off a guildmate that WON IT FAIR AND SQUARE??” Err, so? Maybe he offered because he noticed that you didn’t memorize (i.e. use) the spell right away, you stupid twat, which by the way, is DEFINITELY a guild violation. P.S. Enjoy the name change. (F’ing Blizzard)

7. The DKP Haters. WTF, how can you hate math? You show up, you eventually get loot, it’s that simple. DKP is merely a tool to keep track of who’s in line and their position in the line. My experience, the only players that hate DKP are those players that rarely show up for raids and want the Gods of /Random to save them from their shit-ass equipment. Please do not think I am fooled by your rant about how corrupt DKP systems are — math is not corrupt.

Also not fooling me: the “I want, I want, I want, but loot isn’t important to me” people, the DKP Cashouts (enjoy your new guild, and btw, you’ll be leaving sooner than you think with a rather large DKP balance), and the “I have all day to PvP and I have all I want from Molten Core, but I don’t have time to help clear MC anymore” people.

8. Oh ya, I also hate Molten Core. But I still show up to help clear.

This is Art

Courtesy of the Warcraft forums, two budding wordsmiths:

Triock outlines the finer points of the little-known Herpalism harvest skill, “I am so tired of /cry cause of no gold for mount or item this and that! I am always enough gold and here is the key: Herpalism! I am giving these ideas here FREE so I don’t have to explain it all the time because I explain it a hundred times and nobody understands! … ” Spoof Alert: this is Triock’s (level 4 orc) only post. (Thanks, emailer Elbows.) (Furled archive.)

Imfugly details why PvP rogues need to be nerfed, “O.k. am I patient of rogues. Each fight, which I have with results rogue being in me, stunlocked for 75% of the fight …” Spoof Alert: Imfugly, level 1 gnome, has a small post history built up; some in character, a few that are intelligible. (Furled archive.)

It’s like Cubism with the English Language; I recognize English words, but hell if I know what I’m looking at.

If We Give Back the Ads, Can We Have Our Accounts?

Well, well. It would appear that last week’s rumors about all the World of Warcraft account thefts were true. DO NOT CLICK THE FOLLOWING LINK IF YOU USE INTERNET EXPLORER. In fact, no one click, I’ll quote for you.

From Allakhazam’s front page, posted last Friday (10/7/05):

This only applies to you if you are running an older version of Internet Explorer, have not updated windows with the latest security patches and do not have virus protection on your computer. Apparantly one of our ad providers was affected by a trojan and was serving it to our site for several days last weekend. This is a keylogger and could possibly compromise your game login and password. As soon as we discovered it, we pulled all of their ads.

To see if you got the trojan, go to Program Files/Internet Explorer in your directory and look for a file named “syssmss.exe”. If it is there, then open your task manager and delete the file. Also go to %WIN_DIR%\Downloaded Program Files and delete a file named either “fucksnow.exe” or “muma.exe”. Then once you have done that, log into the game and change your password. In fact, change every password for every place you have typed since you got the trojan.

There are also several online sites that scan your computer for free.

http://www.windowsecurity.com/trojanscan/
http://housecall.trendmicro.com/

We apologize for this. In 6 years of running this site, nothing like this has ever happened. It kills me to think that we may have, even inadvertantly, caused anyone to have their account compromised. We’re all about making the games better and more fun. Believe me, we will do everything in our power to make sure it does not happen again.

Along with the advertiser who sent this, and in cooperation with the FBI, we are attempting to track down the people who sent this. I hope I get a few minutes in a back room with the bastards.

– Allakhazam

The news finally made it’s way to the Warcraft General stickied posts (the last paragraph is the update) over the weekend, otherwise I would have had a good laugh last Friday. Not that Blizzard or the stricken players have any blame here, but infuckingcredible.

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