Monthly Archives: August 2004

Developer Memos: Introduction

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This is the first in an occasional series of Memos to Developers: Things They Should and Shouldn’t Do … although I will warn you up front, these really are in the category of Things I Shouldn’t Have to Write Down. Common sense and all that, which curiously is more uncommon than one might think.

Like, “This coffee is scalding hot, do not place near your sensitive genital area while driving at speeds greater than three miles per hour” or “POISON – DO NOT EAT!!” … and yet we do have to write that stuff down, don’t we?

I get a chuckle from Game Rant sites that do a lot of numerical analysis about break-even points for box sales, subscription numbers to keep a game afloat, how to improve games’ replayability and multiplayer content levels. Honestly, is it the players’ jobs to tell developers what will be profitable and what is “fun”? Isn’t it obvious?

Well, it would be obvious for anyone that actually plays games. Consider that little tidbit the first common sense item. PLAY YOUR OWN GAME.

Play all the classes and races. PvP and PvE with almost no equipment. Level up a crafter. Collect loot and craft components. Try to make game money as a noob. Travel around.

And when you find out how mind-numbingly boring some of your game mechanics are, walk over to the responsible designer’s cubicle and beat him with his own severed limb.

It can be a very effective motivator.

Impending Doom

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I haven’t had much time lately to play Doom 3, what with SWG guild nonsense and real life obligations and all. That damn real life can be so time consuming, something you catassers would know nothing about.

Of course, this means that everyone around me has already finished Doom at least five times, all on the nightmare setting, while I’m still stuck in f’ing Alpha Labs at 40 health.

Damn, that god mode setting sure is tempting, especially when EVERYONE feels obligated to describe the ending. In great detail. WTF, that’s like spoiling the end of a movie. Thanks alot, a-holes.

What I’ve seen so far (pitifully little) is simply incredible: engrossing storyline, challenging combat, beautiful graphics, a soundtrack without peer. I’m not very fond of those stupid PDAs I have to pick up and hunt through email spam, or worse! listen to stupid audio notes, to get the codes I need for various doors. I hate doing that and avoid it whenever feasible, which might explain why I’m missing half of my supplies.

I was relieved to discover that FedEx still exists in the future, under the moniker “Exe”. (I should look into buying that domain now.) I think I should be able to use what’s in the shipping boxes, like Tom Hanks in Cast Away. Some ice skates, shoes, hell, I could even use a volleyball about now.

Holding My Breath, Release the Catch, and I Let the Bullet Fly

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Yours truly has been assigned the odious task of firing a whack job from my Star Wars: Galaxies guild. Which basically means … I sit around in the game, watch my friends (target) list for said whack job to log on, and invent ways to relieve the boredom.

How did I get assigned this sniper gig? We voted to kick the whack job to the curb, you’d think that everyone would want a piece of the action.

Not so. Everyone else invented some reason why they were incapable of enforcing majority rule. “I just can’t bring myself to do it.” “I’ll be too mean.” “I don’t wanna.” “I’m just not the type for that job.” And I am?

Well, apparently I am, because I am willing to do my duty and clean this solid waste out of our ranks. I won’t relish it, I won’t enjoy it, and I am for damn sure tired of waiting around to do it; but by God, it will be done.

I want extra DKP for this shit though. Assuming we ever invent DKP for SWG.