Monthly Archives: August 2004

Truth > Fiction

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I’m a connoisseur of fine gaming drama. For those just getting started with game drama, a few general rules:

1. Above all else, the drama cannot involve me. If drama impacts my gaming in any way, then I have to deal with it, and I hate that. It is imperative that the drama is swirling around others.

2. Truly fine game drama usually involves the mentally-unhinged coming unglued. If you can watch this as it actually happens, that’s a rare treat, my friends.

Naturally, I will provide a contemporaneous example. (I’m THAT good.) Over on my Star Wars server, a few months back, this player introduces himself on the server forums … you know, one of those “Hail and well met, good citizens of Server X” and all that kind of shit. (I think: wfe. anyone auctioning good loot on the trade forum?)

He announces his intention of hosting player-run events to provide the good citizens of Server X with the immersive content they so richly deserve! (wfe) He has already hosted many such events on two other SWG servers and, lucky us, will do here also! (The ex-EQ skeptic in me is immediately suspicious.)

And he hosts one battle event, with some success, and then hosts a fundraiser event, to aid in running even more events. (Ex-EQ skeptic becomes more suspicious.) He raises funds to the tune of 22 million+ credits, but can’t host any new events for a while because he is building a player city, to be an event-friendly arena.

Then, he’s leaving the game for a while because he’s getting a RL divorce. (Did we need to know the details?) Then he’s back sooner than he expected. Then, he’s quitting because the development plan is so disappointing. Then he’s back again. Then he’s in love with some game chick. (Ya, like I didn’t see that coming.) Then they’re on the outs. Then she has to call a CSR to have a talk with him allegedly because he doesn’t know when to go away.

C’mon, you have to know what comes next, right?

Then he’s in love again, this time it’s for REAL. (wfe) Now, they’re going to get married, and of course, he has to annoy me with his forum posts about how much in love they are and shouldn’t we all just be so happy for them both? (omg, go away already.) But wait! Before I can be annoyed by his posts about the glorious ceremony, he gets upset with the current mayor of his town and wants to take back control. Which he lost because of his “I’m leaving” “I’m back” “I’m leaving” “I’m back” mania.

This is where the drama starts getting good. He starts hurling obscenities at the mayor on the forums and demanding that either he or his candidate be elected instead. (omg, up the dosage on the thorzine.) So, the current mayor does some snooping around on his two previous SWG servers and finds out that this is the same psycho behavior he displayed over there. (gee, ya think?)

By now, the players that were excited about additional roleplay content (not me) are wondering what happened to all that money they donated to his fundraiser and demand some accountability. Being the forum whore that he is, you might think he would address this immediately, right? Probably in some psycho, meth-induced break from reality sort of way, but a response nonetheless.

You’d be wrong.

He posts this excrutiatingly-long write-up about his roleplay wedding and then says he’s taking a “break from the forums” for a couple of weeks and will address everyone’s concerns then. (BULLSHIT WARNING!!) I can hardly wait to see the series finale on this one. My money’s on “I was diagnosed with cancer and had to eBay the virtual money for a cancer operation”.

As you should know by now: there’s a sucker born every minute … and two to take him.

A Tale of Two City of Heroes

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Over at The Corporation (the link’s over there, lazy ass), some guy named Jiffy had gotten a letter from NCsoft about his City of Heroes CD key … it’s a dupe. So NCsoft wants Jiffy to jump through a bunch of hoops to prove he is the rightful owner and the “other guy” is the duper. Or NCsoft is the duper.

Which brings me to my Short List for Dealing with Game Companies:

1. Take it to the mattresses. Actually, the rule is “Take it to the phones”, but I like to throw in a Godfather reference whenever I can. People at work don’t like to be bothered by phone calls; I’ve been known to feign hysterical deafness so I don’t have to answer. Using the phone is the closest you will get to being “in their face”, so unless you’re willing to fly out to their offices (and if you are, seek help — you’re a catass), use the phones.

2. If the Game Company is unwilling to resolve an issue to your satisfaction, have them cut you a check for the box price + subscription fees paid to date. Until they’re willing to do that, you’re not going away.

3. I’m not jumping through hoops, so just send the fucking check already. Takes less of my time to make phone calls than to paw through boxes of receipts. (Hint: takes them less time to make YOU jump through hoops than to resolve issues on their end. See the “game” they’re trying to play?)

I think Game Companies get away with this shit because a large portion of their player base are children that are intimidated by threats of character deletions and the FBI crawling up their ass with a microscope.

Not me, I can be bought. And my price is box price + subscription fees.

Betas for the Unwashed Masses

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A couple of games went open beta recently: Warhammer 40k: Dawn of War and Outpost. Both seem to be that Age of Empires in a military setting genre. WFE, if I can’t catass my way to loots and max level, I ain’t doing it. And by catass, I mean macro while I’m AFK and doing something I’d actually ENJOY.

Other news, A Tale in the Desert II is in development phase now. Trust me on this, fucking flee now and don’t even bother. I’ve been to this pit of hell, there was much gnashing of my teeth. Quoting from Betawatcher, “A Tale in the Desert continues with A Tale in the Desert II with an updated road system and better graphics.” Updating the “road system” is for losers; put in teleportation, for crissakes.

I’d rant more about MMOG travel systems and what a bunch of bullshit it usually always is, but I’m on my last cup of coffee. And that might get ugly.