Meanwhile, back in World of Warcraft …

So, I think we can all agree that I’m guilded with a bunch of nitwits. The following is further evidence.

Few weeks back, one of the guildmates /tells me in game that I might want to check out the security on our guild message boards because one of our former guild members apparently has full access to the private guild areas. (Recall that I was volunteered to administer our guild “web presence” as no one else was willing to take that thankless job.)

This was me: How?

Him: Looks like they’re using a current member’s login info.

Me: Who is using whose login?

Him: I don’t wanna say.

Me: Then what do we have to talk about?

I can’t tell you how sick I am of guildmates making serious accusations against guildmates, then refusing to name the offenders cuz that’s being a tattletale. Jesus, man up and point your finger, otherwise don’t bother me.

We danced around for a few days, with me promising anonymity and him playing hard to get, until finally he emails some screenshots of the private boards with the identifying information NOT redacted. F’ing finally.

Because I’m well aware of Photoshop magic, I went to the server logs to snoop around a bit and get the goods on the guildmate who was playing fast and loose with our access and privacy.

The former guildmember: BabbleOn (she of previous drama: Part I and Part II) and the guildmate who shared his login info with her, for some UNKNOWN reason that I will never understand unless it involved sex and that’s an even scarier thought: Med School Warlock, one of our frequent cyber-ors.

Let me pause here to say: Med School, my ass. I think people going to med school have to … oh, I don’t know … LOG OUT every once in a while to go to class. Aren’t there internships and residencies involved with many, many hours required? They let that guy become a licensed physician and I’m staying the fuck out of his state for the rest of my life.

He’s so full of shit, I can’t believe anyone would buy his story, and yet, I know of three who have. Hook. Line. Sinker.

Obviously, I’m not a fan of Dr. Cyber.

So, I have the goods on the would-be doctor, I rat him out to the officers, and they decide to have a talk with him after the night’s raids. (So you’ll understand the magnitude of the indiscretion here: BabbleOn and the Dr. are not married in real life, or in game, they don’t live together, they’re not relatives, they’re not neighbors, I didn’t even know they were friends, or more, prior to this.)

Well, funny thing happened on the way to the interrogation room, Dr. Cyber took matters into his own hands and /gquit. Man, I was disappointed. I was hoping to see him squirm. I love the squirm. Alas and alack, no squirm in /gu chat.

All he said before the /gquit was something about disagreeing with the direction of the guild, (psst, that’s code for “I want more loot”), he /gquit, and then he joined the fourth Guild That Hates My Guild on the server — newly formed of about a dozen guildmates who also disagreed with the “direction of the guild”.

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In yesterday’s episode of “How in the World (of Warcraft) did we find these Nutjobs?”, my guild tagged two (RL) sisters into our ranks — the good sister was a pleasant guildmate and solid raider; the evil sister used the guild like a match.com. At least we weren’t being used for loot, as is more typical.

No. Wait. Well shit, we were being used for fast loot too.

After roughly two weeks of creeping weirdness (emphasis on creep), another raid day arrived: the sun was shining, and Ironforge’s Myra Tyrngaarde had fresh bread for sale as the gaming witching hour arrived — which we now know is between 5:00 am and 6:00 am, server time. The gaming witching hour, you might recall, is that time of the day when players desiring to leave their guild, log on for a quick /gquit (guild removal) so they don’t have to offer explanations or long speeches.

I’m not sure which I prefer: the long speeches (omg, just leave already) or the wordless /gquits (wtf?).

The two sisters logged into the game, /gquit, and then the hunter-sister (the would-be wife of the perfect man) made a short post on our guild boards thanking us for the fun, wishing us well, and please visit her Myspace, in case we had missed the addy the first 25 times she posted it. Again, I trampled a gnome warlock in my haste to check her Myspace for new glitter icons and flashing banners glamor shots.

That night, before the raid, there were whispers of some “issues” that had DRIVEN the sisters from our happy family. I love issues. Wherever there are issues, there also is a good story. I resolved to seek out this story for myself and attempted to add the two sister’s character names to my WoW friends list … for investigative purposes. Not stalking, INVESTIGATION.

Well, well. Invalid player names/players not found. In other words, for the non-WoWs in the audience, those player names no longer exist on my server because they applied for server transfers earlier in the day. Interesting.

I reported my findings to selected officers, known for their unnamed sources, and returned to raid preparation. Word came back that the two sisters left the server because one of our gnome warlocks was “harassing” the hunter-sister. Orly? asked me. Yarly, said they.

I’m. Not. Buying. It.

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If your World of Warcraft guild is like my World of Warcraft guild and you too have spawned multiple “guilds that hate your guild” (as well as numerous players who wouldn’t piss on you if your heart was on fire), then you should be aware that the recently beta’d armory can be a valuable tool in tracking your enemies.

I spent my morning coffee time surfing down some of our former guildmates — because I hope life is treating them … well.

The Emo Tank — Last I heard, he had server transferred and was thinking of transferring back oh! if only we’d take him back. (Umm no.) What I hadn’t heard, he name changed, or deleted in a fit of emo-ery, because there’s no level 60+ warriors with his character name ANYWHERE. And this is why I hate name changing in MMO games, people can fly under your radar. You are completely unprotected.

It’s remarkably easy to do in WoW, no GM approval necessary, although it will cost you unless your server is on deck for free character transfers: Create same-named character on your target realm, apply for transfer, your character will be flagged to change the name — POOF! You’re under the radar.

So now, Emo Tank could be back for all I know and preparing for his assault.

There’s three other players I can think of that server transferred after brief drama fits: the guildbank-stealing rogue (not our guild bank, some other hapless guild — Read re: The guildbank thief) and The Two Sisters.

Guildbank thief, I already knew he name changed so I have no means of tracking him down. There’s no real danger from him since we haven’t guilded any new rogues for … months, nor will we for … months.

So anyways, The Two Sisters. That’s a long story.

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