Category Archives: I, Moral Barometer

Bipolar Toons … The Mystery Solved!

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We had an interesting issue arise in our SWG guild recently. Not interesting to me, of course — as a seasoned gaming hag, I’m all over this shit early. But, it was fascinating for our guild noobs to witness. Fascinating like a freak show is fascinating.

One of our members was pulling a psycho, bipolar, disassociative personality routine on us. One night, he/she/it was cooperative, rah rah for our side and all that. Next night, moody, sullen, wondering when the hell we’d get off our asses and fetch him/her/it some uberness.

Needs to up the thorazine dosage?

Wrong. (You ARE new around here, aren’t you?)

It’s obviously the Dual-Driver Syndrome. (I should also mention the rare, but not unheard of Multiple-Driver Syndrome — three or more drivers for one toon. There’s more drama with one of these hoes than a trailer park with hourly rentals.)

Whenever I run across DDS toons, I like to have a little fun with them at their expense. Once I’m sure I have Driver2 on the hook, I “remind” it that it owes me virtual money, or promised to help complete an annoying quest, maybe even a powerlevel for my alts … all courtesy of it.

It’s the perfect crime because, unless Driver2 wants to confess and claim no knowledge of such an agreement between the toon and me, it is trapped into doing my bidding. All night, every night. Until Driver1 gets back and asks me wtf kind of crack I’m smoking.

This latest DDS toon was being driven by this woman and her RL boyfriend. The woman was roleplay married to this other toon which irritated the hell out of Driver2, the boyfriend. Naturally, each time I knew it was Driver2, I made sure to chat, in a very conspiratorial manner, about the intimate exploits (all made up, of course) between the toon and the fake husband.

Driver2 held out for quite a while, refusing to confess, until I finally tired of my prank and asked the toon, “When was it that you and (fake husband) were going to meet irl again? It was soon, right?” (ffs, just confess, mf’er.) Driver2 logged soon thereafter.

In yet another one of those instances where I am so right I frighten even myself, turns out it was true … Driver1 and fake husband did have a RL hookup planned. She admitted as much to her RL boyfriend and he dropped her like a disease-ridden whore.

I would feel guilty about my small part in this drama … if I had a soul left.

I think it got nerfed a few years back.

A Tale of Two City of Heroes

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Over at The Corporation (the link’s over there, lazy ass), some guy named Jiffy had gotten a letter from NCsoft about his City of Heroes CD key … it’s a dupe. So NCsoft wants Jiffy to jump through a bunch of hoops to prove he is the rightful owner and the “other guy” is the duper. Or NCsoft is the duper.

Which brings me to my Short List for Dealing with Game Companies:

1. Take it to the mattresses. Actually, the rule is “Take it to the phones”, but I like to throw in a Godfather reference whenever I can. People at work don’t like to be bothered by phone calls; I’ve been known to feign hysterical deafness so I don’t have to answer. Using the phone is the closest you will get to being “in their face”, so unless you’re willing to fly out to their offices (and if you are, seek help — you’re a catass), use the phones.

2. If the Game Company is unwilling to resolve an issue to your satisfaction, have them cut you a check for the box price + subscription fees paid to date. Until they’re willing to do that, you’re not going away.

3. I’m not jumping through hoops, so just send the fucking check already. Takes less of my time to make phone calls than to paw through boxes of receipts. (Hint: takes them less time to make YOU jump through hoops than to resolve issues on their end. See the “game” they’re trying to play?)

I think Game Companies get away with this shit because a large portion of their player base are children that are intimidated by threats of character deletions and the FBI crawling up their ass with a microscope.

Not me, I can be bought. And my price is box price + subscription fees.

LOLololOLOLOlol

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People that put “lol” or “LOL” at the end of every damn thing they type remind me of canned laughter on bad sitcoms.

An actual lol statement: “i dont know *GUILDNAME*, so that would mean i dont know them lol” See how he inserted lol at the end so that you know there was humor just prior to the lol? This is your clue that he finds himself amusing AND YOU SHOULD TOO! Of course, you and I both know there was probably very little humor there, or else he wouldn’t have to remind us that it was, indeed, there.

An alternative method to point out flat humor: “lol so that was you he was talking too….i was wandering about that.” In this case, the writer has put the lol at the beginning so that the reader is warned ahead of time to be prepared for gut-wrenching laughter.

Here is overkill: “lol i care man and why the hatred i thought it was pretty funny watching *playername* talk to himself lol” Start laughing NOW BEFORE YOU READ THIS and after you have, you will CONTINUE LAUGHING — this sentence is THAT funny.

Someday, when I’m bored, drunk and have a massive head injury, I’ll tell one of the lollers: lol You lol are lol as lol funny lol as lol a lol tumor lol named lol Bleedy lol.